Car ride from.....home (what did you think I was going to say?)

The following is a faithful transcript of a recent trip to pick L up from school:

H: I don’t like scary stories…but they are not really true, mommy.

M: No.

H: No. I want to go camping. Every time we go camping we go camping in the woods, but make sure we don’t see its shadow. Sneaking up on our camp. We got to guard stuff…you have to stay outside and guard our tent while we sleep.

M: laughing oh, okay

H: The bears are bigger than people, even bigger than grown-ups. You gotta guard stuff….bigger than anything…you gotta guard stuff.

Can you tie two things together so they are pointing each other?

M: What?

H: You can mommy, or three things, but four is too hard because they are all pointing different ways.

M: I have no idea what you are talking about.

H: humming

H: They even scare bats.

M: What does?

H: That monster. He can scare bats away, he can scare anything away. If you want to get away you have to ride on a cheetah because that monster is so big it can’t take...can’t run… it’s so big. It’s bigger than a tree, mommy, bigger than a house, bigger than the Washington Monument!

M: wow!

H: and bigger than a tower, bigger than a sky scrapper. Bigger…than…anything.

M: how does it hide then?

H: Well it’s not bigger than a mountain, so it hides behind mountains. Are trees bigger than mountains?

M: no

H: Are sky scrapers bigger than mountains? I think the Washington monument is bigger than a mountain.

M: No a mountain is bigger.

H: Okay, so it can hide behind the mountains. But the monsters grown-up ARE bigger than mountains. So they….

M: Where do they hide then?

H: So they... they…They squeeze right through a fence, so no one will see them.

M: But they are so big?

H: When they get in there, at day, they are just like a rock. They…they turn into a rock. And when people come… I just making this up…Mommy…Camping…I will tell you the whole story when we eat. But I don’t want to READ the whole story cause then it might come real. Right mommy? Can stories come real?

M: No, stories can’t come true, not the scary ones.

H: Well what if you read it too much?

M: That’s why you shouldn’t read scary stories too much. That’s why they call them stories…they are make-believe.

H: They are not real. Well, some stories are true. Are some stories true? But not scary ones. Everyone knows there are no such thing as monsters. It is just someone dressed up. But if it’s not someone dressed up as a monster….it’s still not real. That’s why they call them stories. I’m glad they are not real, mommy. Cause I like to go in the woods a lot. I’ll always remember the story, mommy….. Camping.

Humming

What would happen if you eat a bug, mommy?

M: nothing, it would probably taste pretty bad.

H: maybe you might turn into a bug…or you might turn into an insect. That’s funny…mommy, that is just a joke.

M: I know

H: Mommy, I think lady bugs are cute. I think lady bugs are cutest bugs. ARE they, mommy?

M: I suppose.

H: Cause...cause…because…I say I like lady bugs the best, mommy. Crickets can stay up at night, right mommy?

M: Yes, they can

H: Mommy, I know a dinosaur that stays up…..a Troodon.

M: a Troodon?

H: it stays up, it’s nocturnal. What else dinosaurs are nocturnal?

M: I suppose a lot of the meat eaters were nocturnal, like a velociraptor, maybe?

H: or maybe a kind of frog?

M: a frog?

H: in dinosaur times. But I know a dinosaur that could sleep on its….could…could sleep standing up.

M: what’s that?

H: An Iguanodon!

M: they sleep standing up? I didn’t know that.

H: I learned that. You didn’t know. Just like a horse does, right mommy?

M: yes

H: mommy?

M: yes?

H: mommy?

M: yes??

H: mommy?

M: Yes! I am listening.

H: also cows mommy. Giraffes…mommy, do giraffes sleep standing up mommy? Giraffes?

M: I imagine they do, because it is pretty hard for them to get off the ground with those long legs.

H: maybe it’s really hard to get off, but what, what eat giraffes?

M: What do you think eat giraffes?

H: I don’t know, mommy.

M: well what is a big meat eater that lives in Africa?

H: a lion?

M: yes

H: oh yeah, a lion. Or maybe a tiger….

M: Tigers don’t live in Africa.

H: Where do they live?

M: India.

H: Oh. The next time we go to Africa or India, we can’t take Riley. Because a tiger or a lion might eat her. And every day would be a bad day. No one would protect us then, right mommy?

M: I would fight a lion for you.

H: but, but, but Daddy lions are really tough. How would you fight a daddy lion mommy? How would you protect us from a hippo?

M: I would do my best.

H: you have to remember to stay away from its mouth…it could swallow you whole. One thing that you couldn’t fight is a crocodile…once its mouth closes you can’t open it….you would be gone forever. If it ate you, you would be gone forever. Oh yeah…gone forever. You could break the top part of his mouth off, right mommy? But not a baby hippo. If a baby hippo got eaten the mother hippo would have to come really fast. Before it could get swallowed. Then the hippo would open is wide mouth and it would drop the baby hippo.

I want to save animals, mommy.

M: I think that is a good plan.

H: do you want to help?

M: absolutely.

H: girls and boys are allowed…..but no bad guys, cause bad guys might steal the animals. So never, never, never take an animal out of the wild….or a jungle. I will tell you….Honey badgers eat crocodile eggs and lizards with pink eyes. What else mommy? Do you want to help me, mommy?

M: are we saving animals right now?

H: no…when we are grownups. Do you want to help me?

M: absolutely.

H: I will remember mommy.

M: I will remember too

H: What if you forget and I will remind you mommy.

M: that’s good because sometimes I am forgetful.

H: what is…does forgetful mean, mommy?

M: it means that I forget stuff.

H: oh. How I , if I forget something I just sing a song. I just sing a song.

M: how does it go?

H: no I forgot. I can’t sing it now, mommy. It’s about numbers. IT is in my head...it just pops out of my head. No….I got it now.

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet too.

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet too.

I’ll never forget that song. I can count to a hundred: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69……..

M: 70

H: 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99…..100!

M: that was really good! Wow!

H: want me to do it again?

M: sure………….

They tell me that one day I will miss these car rides...and my sanity.