4 Topics

Blogs are blowing up with posts this morning, I am sure, so why not add my own foolishness…

I call it foolishness because one person’s convictions are foolish to another and so on.  I’ve read a lot over the weekend but by-in-large they stick to 4 topics all with same starting point…the tragic and heartbreaking school shooting.  Here are the topics:

More gun control

Less gun control

Mental illness

God “kicked out” of schools

The first two can be put together because they are two sides of same coin.  You can say “guns don’t kill people, people do” or “are we going to ban cars/spoons too?” and “if you can’t fix the human, fix the gun.”  All of it is garbage, really.  What is not garbage is this:  guns are part of our American culture (like it or not).  So you either work with what you have or you fail.  To this end, I would like to share a story I heard on TED.  Skip to 4:47 to hear the part that really spoke to me.

How does this connect to guns and gun culture?  Here’s my connection:  you have to work with what you have.  In the U.S. we have a gun culture.  Instead of changing the culture…work with what you have.  Here we have guns.  Here we have lots of men and women with training and many more without.  Both sides of this issue need to work together, good ideas will be collaborative.  Laws aren’t great at shaping culture…it works best the other way around.

I don’t know the answers, though.  Would gun control work? I hope rather than believe it will.  What I believe will happen, is that many law-abiding, trained men and women will be helpless to protect others from those who still have guns.  That’s taking a knife to a gun fight.

I also link the other two, mental illness and God in school, but probably not in the way you think.

No one ever can kick God out of a school, know why?  God’s not there.  God is not in bricks and mortar, wood, or metal… God was never in cafeterias, classrooms, or playgrounds God has always been, and always will be in the hearts of believers.  No one goes to school without their hearts, so believers never go anywhere without God.   We should all have our rights protected.  A Christian should have the right to practice their beliefs as they want, and every non-Christian and non-believer should have the right to practice their beliefs AND not be hounded by Christians who tell them they are wrong and bad.  Non-Christians and non-believers share a long history of discrimination at the hands of Christians and Christian-run governments; it is high time for a balance.  Think of this like a scale...in our American history all the power and privilege has always been on the Christian (more precisely Protestant) side of the scale.   Isn’t it right to give some power and privilege to others?  To place power and privilege on the other side will have to make the power and privilege on the Christian side less weighty.  See…it’s a balance.

To those that have said this tragedy happened because God was kicked out of schools…I say shame on you.  That somehow these innocents were punished by God….shame on you.  Any person who commits terrible, terrible things is not the opposite of God or evil, these people are ill.  I don’t believe in evil…it is a crutch...a way to avoid the real problem:  Terrible illnesses that hijack people, and make them prey to the worst parts of human nature.  We are a culture that lacks knowledge and resources when it comes to mental illness.  How much easier it is to sleep at night when we say, “They were evil.” rather than the helplessness of “what could we have done?”

I want people to start listening to others, sharing ideas, and recognize that no one person, or party, or group, or faith has all the answers (although they think they do)…and have the humility and confidence to admit when you are wrong.

No more mumbling.....

I'm getting older.   There is just no two-ways about it.  Over the summer I had a birthday which makes me (gulp) 34.  But the truth is, it's not so much that number as it is the number you get when you add 40 to it.  That is a topic that I don't really want to talk about now.

More proof that I am getting older also came this summer.  I had my hearing checked.  Turns out I have moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears.  Basically my hearing is good until 1800 Hz then it drops off very sharply. It looks like this (I've also included "reference lines" for your information and enjoyment):

the yellow line reads:  Children's hearing when asked to do something

I had noticed more than a year ago that I was having a constant ringing in my ears and was having more trouble having a conversation with someone who I wasn't looking at.  But, in truth, I kind of thought it was just my imagination, that I was inventing this problem for myself.  (The audiologist admitted she thought the same, evidently most of the patients she sees are women my age who "invent" this problem for themselves.)
Anyway we were both shocked that I did  have hearing loss.   She mentioned that hearing aids would improve my hearing, but "only if I wear them"....duh....but this is what she meant:  Unless I am "ready" for hearing aids, psychologically, I won't wear them and a fat lot of good they will do me sitting in a case.

Worrisome because I am after all, only 34, and I don't work or have a hobby that exposes me to loud noises, the kind that typically cause hearing loss in us younger folks.  So what's happening?  Is it going to get worse?  The audiologist suggested I first noticed the change when I lost my 2000 Hz hearing, and if that was only a year ago, how quickly is this getting worse?  I have another appointment in a couple of months for another hearing test.

No hearing aids for me just yet, I am not ready.  Although according to Chief they come in all kinds of awesome colors (he is not just a fan but also a wearer) like fuchsia!  So until then...no mumbling.

New Thinking

Right now, I should be doing school work.  I am supposed to be writing my response to our readings this week.  Our readings this week were about White identity development and White privilege.  "Everything I read was so disheartening and confusing"  (which is basically as far as I've gotten on my school work.)

I don't even know where to start.  I guess at the beginning.  I never really began thinking about my white identity/culture till last year.  Many white people NEVER consider having culture, because to in our thinking "culture" means "different" and white is normal.  This is the article I read more than a year ago:   White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

Over the course of the last year, and specifically in the last few months, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this.  I feel guilty, uncomfortable, unsure of my own intentions, I find myself analyzing even the simplest of actions.  When I smile at a stranger even.... I think was that paternalistic?

Here is what I know for sure:

• There is no such thing as being color-blind...that is just something that white people say.

• Racism is not just action and conscious behavior, it is thoughts and unconscious behavior. White people, when they think of racists think of white supremacist groups or the KKK, but those are just extremes.  Racism is a spectrum...and almost everyone is on it.  

I fall on that spectrum, and I don't want to anymore.  This is for me to work on, and I am.  But this is also where my frustration and confusion kicks in.  I can "fix" myself but I am still a recipient of this unearned privileged....Am I just supposed to feel guilty and privileged...no of course not, I should DO something.  But what?  What can I do when even those closest to me can not acknowledge the privileged we have as whites, the privileged my children have....

As I continue to learn about the embedded racism in our culture I am overwhelmed.  Where can one person start?  I guess the short-term answer is....me.  I start with me.

Gettysburg

Good morning!  Imagine me cracking my knuckles and dusting off my computer.

We took the opportunity to visit Gettysburg last month, wow.  Maybe it was just me, but when we parked and got out of the car, I actually felt the history and heartbreak there, it was overwhelming. (To be fair, it could have just been the humidity.)

We watched the movie in the visitors center and were a little concerned that it would be too graphic for the boys.  We warned them ahead of time that the film may show photographs of dead bodies.  The only thing that seemed to upset them was the volume of the music during the movie, but the images themselves only prompted questions which is what we hoped.

Living in mid-Virginia, there is a much different attitude toward the Civil War than there is in Indiana.  Seriously the cannons on town squares still point North...I'm not joking.  We have friends that come from even further south and Chief and I discovered early-on that, for them, the Civil War had very little to do with slavery.  Sure it's not the WHOLE story, but you can't leave it out, either.  

So while at Gettysburg we were trying to explain to the boys about the battles and who came from which directions.  Union and Confederate, North and South, but what really speaks to that age group of boys....good guys and bad guys.   I admit it didn't exactly feel right leaving them with the impression that the Confederates were the "bad guys" but they understand the Civil War to be about slavery...those who wanted it and those who didn't.  They don't think about state's rights, they think about human rights.  

The biggest hit of the day, was Devil's Den (thanks to my Gettysburg expert, Jen!)  Where curiously, I discovered that I am now afraid of heights.  But I understand that this is common when you have young children, and may go away after time....

See those 3 figures standing on that rock....that's my family...they are having fun...I'm hyperventilating.

Unbelievable...

Do you ever have a moment when you think, "that did not just happen?"

I had one today.  I was out to brunch with some friends (no one is more shocked, that I used those words in the same sentence, than me!)  Sitting on one side of us was two women and an itty-bitty baby (we would later find out was only 15 days old!) and on the other side was a mom, dad, and a two year old.  However, sitting on the other side of the women and baby was an older man eating alone who we will now call Mr. Miserable.

As he is leaving he says to the women, who have been speaking Spanish, he asks, "Where are you from?"  Now these ladies are smart and one quickly pipes in that she is from New Jersey.  But Mr. Miserable doesn't get that this is not her first time on this ride...  He continues in the way that these types do....he finally says to the women that he hopes they teach the baby English because this is America...  The women do not respond to him, because sadly they've dealt with this before.  Not that it matters, but these women did speak English....

This all happened so quickly, I could not believe my ears, I kept waiting for John what's-his-face from What Would You Do to show up with a microphone.

The women I am sitting with all hear this conversation as well, while I am still dumbfounded that Mr. Miserable has just said what I thought he just said.  The dad from the other table gets up and follows Mr. Miserable.  Turns out Dad is a Warrant Officer (whoop!) and not only is he bilingual, the attitude of Mr. Miserable is one that he takes "issue with".

Dad returns after some time, we've been able to see them through the windows, and relates to us (because by now we are all old friends, and the waitress too) that he is one of "those guys".  It turns out that Mr. Miserable is himself a retired officer, so WO Dad gave him the "as an officer I'm disappointed in you" speech.

Of course, no one not even a hundred WO Dads is going to change Mr. Miserable's attitude, and if nothing else he won't eat at that restaurant again.  And what restaurant was that, you ask?  The IHOP....INTERNATIONAL House of Pancakes!

Unbelievable....

Just One Thing

 Will someone...ANYONE...please tell me exactly how same-sex marriage damages my family?  Or any one's family?

If my friend and her girl friend are allowed to marry what's going to happen?  Will that union cause Chief and I to divorce, will my children start making meth?  I can't think of anything that destroys families...except the members themselves.

For military families this may mean living next to another family with two moms (or dads)?  GASP!!  Because that is way worse than the parents across the street that neglect their children, or the ones that party every weekend?  Not that same-sex marriages dont' have the same issues...they do, but that's the point, isn't it?

To me it's a lot like blaming the other woman (or man) or porn, or gambling...or whatever.  Instead of examining what's happening in that relationship or to a spouse.

I'm not an expert, but I can think of only one thing that can destroy my family:  us, me and Chief  That's what marriage is, right? Commitment, not to society, but to each other.

Civic Duty

Well....I tried.  I tried to do my civic duty and participate in our neighborhood HOA.  But it's hard when there is a definite "boy's club" feel to it.  Not to say that there are not women on the board, there are, but to hear the way the men on the board talk to the women, it is hostile (to put it kindly).

A year ago, I actually had a title.  I wasn't a member of the board but I was a vice-chair for a committee.  Funny, you would think that a title like that would allow me to participate, and I would have...if I had been included.  Most issues were handled by the chair (a man) and another member of the committee (also a man) they even held meetings without me!  How do I know?  Well...I've got sources.

More recently, I was asked if I would be interested in being the chair for this committee which would then put me on the board, I said that I would.  But then a week later, the same guy that asked me to be the chair brought in a two other people (both men) and recommended THEY seek the board position.  WHAT?!  I'll take on a competition any day, but why serve where I am not wanted?

The worst part is, truly, that Chief and I are friends with all of these people.

I am not a feminist...or maybe I am...what is a feminist anyway?  I just want to be treated like I have a brain, that my opinions are as valid and valuable as any man's.  I can do anything, you can do......I will not break into song, I will not break into song.....It was Chief, actually, that first hinted that there was some sexist sentiment at play with the HOA.

The thing is, if you know me, it was EXACTLY that sentiment that made me feel I HAD to be on the board. I wanted to SHOW THEM!   Mary, the annoying popcorn kernel stuck in the teeth of the HOA board.   I admit it wasn't so much about civic duty then, as it was about proving a point.  But, common sense won out.  Why play that role if I am going to come home and complain about it to my family? They don't deserve that, and there is no greater-good...it's just an HOA

There is a positive to all of this:  This is the first time I've felt discriminated against because of my sex.  The first time...and that is not too shabby.  What that means is that, prior to now all the men that I've known well are pretty terrific.  My husband, my dad, my brothers, my friends, and with a record like that my boys stand a good chance of being pretty terrific themselves.

Fathers: the best way to teach your sons (and daughters) to respect women (and to be respected) is to model that respect for them.  Respect your wife, their mother, your mother, your sisters, your colleagues, your friends.  You may think that you are making a joke, kids don't know the difference, and more than likely you're really not joking anyway.

Is It Just Me? (Part 2)

After some thought, I decided that it MUST be a mistake.  Perhaps a page was taken from a Sunday School book, with out really paying attention to the content....you know?  So I emailed my concern to the Religious Education office  This was the response I got:

Hello Mrs. Easilypersuaded,

I can definitely understand your concern regarding the homework because,
at first glance, it does seem that the sheet is placing the Bible and the
theory of evolution as contradicting each other. However, it also puts the
history of man and philosophy in the same group as the theory of
evolution, and obviously the history of man and philosophy are fields of
study recognized by the Church, just as the theory of evolution is. I
think the point that the homework is trying to make is not that these
fields of study are contradiction with the Bible, but often times are used
to replace Bible. Just like we often put ourselves before others, there
are many people who consider the study of history, philosophy, or
evolution to be more important than the Bible. And they replace the Bible
with these fields of study, when, in fact, they should be used together to
study the world.

So, I would take this as an opportunity to discuss this with your child
and help them to gain a proper understanding of how the Bible and science
should work together and not one without the other.

If you have any more questions or concerns, please let me know.

Thank you,

Mr. Convincing
Religious Education Office

Now I am MORE convinced that it was a mistake...because who would think teaching Replacement Theology to kindergarten students was age appropriate?  Did he miss the part where it said "Match the Opposites?" but that's right...a 5 year-old can make that leap:  it doesn't really MEAN opposite...it's a replacement...duh!

It's okay to admit to mistakes.  And since we are being honest...those are not actual last names.  But seriously, Convincing would be a pretty sweet last name....

It is just me?

Another Sunday, and another day that I'm not sure I belong.  Not the homily this time, or anything that happened during church at all, rather the homework that came home in my kindergartner's  CCD backpack:

I suppose that if you don't know me well, you might not find what has upset me.   Placing History, Philosophy, and Evolution as OPPOSITE to the Holy Bible....because this is news to me.  I went to a Catholic college, where we were taught about evolution, history, and philosophy by Roman Catholic Priests....  Beyond that, this is not what I was taught as a child....what is happening?  Is this a new fundamentalist-type Catholicism?  Am I the only one that sees this change?

Truth is, I am more confused than upset.  Confused because I don't know if this is just my "building" or is this everywhere?  I was raised as a child to understand that the Bible was written by MAN, not GOD, this was reinforced in my own CCD and college education, that the Bible was written as way to explain things that were unexplainable at the time.  Furthermore the Bible has been translated by MAN, edited and vetted by MAN. Have all my teachers been wrong?

Follow-Up.

I am pleased to report that my meeting at the elementary school went really well.  The meeting was to talk about my son's IEP (Individualized Education Plan) when I was young they called this Special Ed, and unfortunately there is still sometimes a stigma attached.

L's IEP is for speech.  He is much improved now, but when he first started school he was very hard to understand, he has issues with  SH, ZH, CH, J, etc..but the most troublesome one was "L"...This was terrible for him because not only does his first name start with L, so does our last name.  It was heartbreaking that, try as he might, no one could get his name right unless he spelled it.  When he was evaluated, at 7 years of age, his conversational intelligibility was around 80%, which is more what you would expect from a 4 year-old (this refers to his understandability...not language or vocabulary skills...)

This along with the other speech issues began to effect his self-esteem, socialization, and his spelling and reading.  I will never forget the day he was able to say his name properly...he was so excited and proud...

So at the meeting it was decided that L would continue with his speech IEP and we also were able to talk about some of the other issues that he is struggling with, like his disorganization and distractedness.  L's teacher moved him to a new desk that faces some bookcases and would require him to turn all the way around before he was able to see anyone else...and on top of that he wears ear muffs.  I went to a sporting-goods store and bought some ear protection that you would wear while shooting.  He LOVES them...he even wears them to the cafeteria.   He has been able to complete his independent work on time so something is working.   Even L just THINKING they are helping is doing wonders.

So to my brilliant friend, Heather (aka Prairie Mother):  thank you, thank you, thank you!

Skeptical?

I admit I am a skeptic...just to name a few:

Palm Readers/Psychics
Aliens
Bigfoot
Conspiracy Theories
Celery
ADD

Now before anyone gets upset about my list including Celery...let me explain:  I seriously doubt that anyone REALLY likes the taste of plain uncooked, unsmeared (as in with peanut butter or dressing) celery...it's just awful.

No, I know, ADD was the item on the list that I really wanted to talk about because Celery didn't really need an explanation.  Here are two things that I think about ADD (remember this is just my unresearched, novice, biased, and NPR-influenced opinion):   1)  It is real. and  2) Maybe it's a symptom of modern life.

I have kids, I have two boys for that matter.  It is boys who, statistically, are more often diagnosed.  What if, ADD symptoms are really just the results of this modern hectic life we live.  I listened to a program on NPR last year that said 40% of parents who take their children for ADD diagnoses, leave the doctors office with an ADD diagnoses for themselves.  This number has stuck with me.  Here is a list I found of common adult ADD symptoms:

• poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered)
• tendency to procrastinate
• trouble starting and finishing projects
• underestimating the time it will take you to complete tasks
• “zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation.
• poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions.
• frequently interrupt others or talk over them
• sense of underachievement
• easily flustered and stressed out
• irritability or mood swings
• trouble staying motivated
• hypersensitivity to criticism
• feelings of inner restlessness, agitation
• doing a million things at once

Looking at this list, I can't help but wonder if these things are just a result of the busy and fast lifestyles so many people live (this was a central theme in the NPR program you can read the transcript here).  I exhibit more than half of those things on the list on a regular basis....and Chief the other half. 

My oldest has been having some difficulty at school, he is easily distracted, nosy, and forgetful.  He is doing fine academically but pushing the limits, I think, of his teacher's patience (which is reason enough to work on this problem)... I am going to a meeting tomorrow actually, and I am worried that they will recommend an evaluation.  Here is my take:  he's 8.  Lets try some other things before we get too crazy, not everything needs a "diagnosis."  

Thanks to some smart friends...and a trip to a sporting goods store, I've got a few things that we are going to try.  I'll keep you posted.

Am I IN or OUT?

I’ve been really struggling with my church experience lately, so much so that I am considering a new church, not religion...but a different building, so to speak.  Although, if you would ask my Priest, maybe a new religion is what I need…but I’ll get to that.

The homilies at my church rarely stray from these topics:

1. Give Money

2. Go to Confession

3. Dress Appropriately

4. Keep your kids quiet (oh I’ve got so much to say on this one…but I’ll save it for another day.)

Recently, though, in the wake of the health care reforms and the contraceptive debate a new topic has creeped into the repertoire:    Don’t Questions the Church, and if you must...Get Out.

Maybe it’s my own hang-ups.  I mean, Chief will tell you I’m not the greatest at taking advice.  And we all try to, in one way or another, rationalize our own less-than-ideal behavior.  This new homily topic has really irked me, though.  It is not so much that I disagree, but that it is telling me to not use my own critical thinking skills, and to always assume that the church is RIGHT. 

In his homily several weeks ago, Father said, “either you’re in you’re out.”  And “there are other churches you could go to…just down the road.”

I very nearly left right then.  Don’t tell me the church has a monopoly on knowing right and wrong all the time.  It has a long history that would prove otherwise.  Instead guide me, teach me to come to those conclusions.  Where is the value in faith, if it is not learned and come to freely?

The church I went to as a child, though also catholic, is so very very (yes I used two!)different from here.  I realize now, truly how one-in-a-million it is.  A small catholic church in a very small town, who has ever heard of such a thing?  I went to a small catholic college too, also a wonderful experience.  I don't know if it was by their nature (being small) that they had to be inclusive....   

 I have never in my catholic –experience felt so at-odds Catholicism.   The thought of not attending mass or not watching my boys receive first-communion is heartbreaking; it is part of my family tradition.     90% percent of me is thinking that I just need a new “building”; but there is that 10% that says, Father is right, I don’t belong here.

2nd Greatest Compliment of my life

Recently we went to our first game night with our neighborhood "gang" because.... we do have friends!  Yay!  Never mind that I ate more hummus and buffalo chicken dip than played dominoes...it was a fun night.  You know you have "couple friends" when you can tease each spouse equally.

Anyway, over my 8th plate of aforementioned buffalo chicken dip, my friend R (husband of JA) says to me, "You are weird."  I don't really remember what we had been talking about, and maybe that only speaks to my weirdness.  I mean what if we had been talking about something that I shared a totally different view on but didnt' even realize how my views could have been so strange (weird)...OR...we may have been talking about mushrooms and the fact that I don't like to eat anything that could grow in a bathroom (weird) or old-food like raisins or anything pickled (weird)....or... who knows?

I thanked him, and told him that was a great compliment, to which he replied, " that doesn't surprise me, that you LIKE being weird."

Even in adolescents when fitting in was so important, I never really minded NOT fitting in.  Once in high school there were some whispers (and not very discrete ones) that I  "liked girls" and I remember thinking, Are you kidding me?  Is that the only thing you could come up with?  In hind site, knowing the source,  it was probably because I wasn't "sucking-face" in the hallway...  Outside of school I was always assumed to be much older than my age, and not (I think) because of my physical appearance.  My mom says (and she is always right) that I always had the self-assured nature of someone much older.

The thing is, I don't really consider myself all that weird, in fact, I'm kind of boring really.  But all the same, it's a great compliment.  To read more self-indulgent and mindless drivel about my greatest compliment read Complimenting.........

Noisy Moms...Hush!

Sometimes I want to shake people...don't you?

This morning was an awards assembly for the 1st and 2nd graders, you know attendance, good citizenship, those kind of things.   The teachers and staff at my boy's school (and I am sure many many other schools as well) use this sign when they need the kids to quiet down and listen:

Which does make me laugh a little, because I can't help but think "hang loose dude" and that is a phrase my kids look at me cross-eyed when I say...anyway...I digress.

The hand signal is effective on the kids...not so much the parents.  I could hardly hear for the chatty moms sitting behind me.

It surprises me when people say things like "kids these days" or "what is the world coming to when (insert reality star) gets rich for doing nothing."  Do they really not know the answer or are they afraid?  I know the answer...It's me, and it's you and it's everyone who has ever influenced a child.  It's not the kids, it's the parents isn't that obvious?

You want good behavior from your children....model good behavior.
You want them to grow up to be contributing adults....show them role models who are.
You want them to feel grateful and not spoiled......don't spoil and model gratefulness.
You want them to do the right thing....DO THE RIGHT THING.

We have one rule in our house..."Do the Right Thing" .....that's it, that's all you have to do.  But it's not simple or easy, children need to be taught the right things.  It is not the school's job...it's yours mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, etc....  It's every one's job.  I mess up everyday, everyday, because it IS hard.  I thought getting them to sleep through the night, or use the potty was hard...no THIS is hard.

So chatty moms during an awards assembly,  model good behavior for your kids...and mine.

A Different Side of Chief

For those of you that know my husband, the following story may come as a surprise.  And to my husbands co-workers...I assure you we ARE talking about the same man.  For those that don't know my husband this is going to be a very boring story.

Setting:
Dinner time.
Players:
Chief, Mary, L and H


Chief:  H, eat. It's barbecue chicken and it's great!  (he takes a fork-full of chicken and puts it very near to the face of L.)
L:  (gives THE LOOK)
Mary:  Really?! Daddy!  Is that the kind of thing you would approve of L doing to H
Chief:  No....But it's Super-bowl day and I am excited.
H:  Why?
Chief:  Football and funny commercials.
H:  Like what?
Chief:  like the sandman commercial.....
Mary: (because I can't hear a song title without singing it)(singing) Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Chief: (singing) Bum, bum, bum, bum
Mary: (singing) Make him the cutest that I've ever seen
Chief: (singing) Bum, bum, bum, bum
Mary: (singing) Give him two lips like roses and clover
Chief: (singing) Bum, bum, bum, bum 
Mary: (singing) Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over

(meanwhile L continues to "give the look" and H stops eating...of course)
Mary: (to L and H)  don't you think we could be in a band?
L:  (in hopes of getting an extra cookie, no doubt) Mommy, you're the best singer.
H:  (leaning over to Chief, and speaking in a whisper) But, Daddy, you're terrible.

(all players laugh)

End of scene

Chief really does act silly and sometimes he even sings.  To be fair, only one of my children was right in their post-song evaluations...but it wasn't L.

Rural is Relative

As I've gotten older, I realize that some words are relative.

For instance the word "traffic"...  traffic for my parents is getting stuck in a line of 10 cars behind a tractor or a horse and buggy.  Traffic in Indianapolis, is congested roads.  Traffic here....it can be like a 20 mile long parking lot....

Another relative word is "rural."  I always say I grew up in rural Indiana.  Which is true, but I wonder if a resident of rural Wyoming would laugh at my use of the word "rural."   Might she say, "it's not rural if you see cars that aren't yours."  So I will remember this Wyoming woman as I continue.

This is a street in my neighborhood:

Recently another member of this subdivision (that alone should tell you something) commented on our HOA FACEBOOK PAGE (see where I'm going yet?) that she chose this neighborhood because it didn't have sidewalks and it was more....wait for it..... rural.

Rural is Relative.

St. Joe!

Last night, I convinced my family to go with me to an Alumni event from my college (Saint Joseph's College, Rensselaer IN). It was nice to see a few people that I knew. However I felt a lot a little out of place.  Here are all these professionals, who were in many ways "networking" and then there is me...stay at home mom.

Now, I don't in anyway mean to imply that I feel bad, or useless, I've said it before and I'll say it again..."This is a sweet gig."  But in that specific situation, I was certainly...unpurposed  is that a word?   Unless they were desperate to find someone who cleans up bodily functions, helps with elementary school homework, and knows  instantly which dinosaur her children are play acting...because you can't confuse a stegosaurus with an ankylosaurus...

It is tempting, I suppose, to say that my college education was wasted.  But I certainly don't feel that way, not by any stretch of the imagination.  I am after all in graduate school, and one day I will return to "work."  I use my college education everyday, in one way or another.  "Use" isn't the right word..... I live my college education everyday.   That's more like it, my fellow SJC folks will know exactly what I mean.

Go Saint Joe!

Kitchen Witch

My husband asked me last week, "So Mary....um when are we taking down Halloween decorations?"

Halloween Decorations?...It's January. There are no Halloween decorations up. Then he pointed out my Kitchen Witch:



The poppet is supposed to depict a "good" witch who inspires productivity and safety in a kitchen. --from Wikipedia

An old European tradition, my mom always had a Kitchen Witch, they are good luck; Keep pots from boiling over, keeps food from burning, etc...

Just think how much worse off we'd be WITHOUT a kitchen witch...maybe I should get more than one?

"Me Time"

This school year has been really interesting for me. For the first time in 8 years, I get regular alone time. 30 hours a week usually. When I look at that number it seems luxurious and excessive. Of course that is six hours a day, five days a week while the boys are at school. Time I fill with my own school work, house work, errands, computer and television time, and yes...sometimes naps..you may or may not be surprised how fast those six hours go each day. But it is my time, and I can squander it, or use it efficiently at my discretion.

Chief on the other hand, gets very little alone time. He works all day, spends his evenings and most weekends with us. Sure, he's got a long commute, but he still has to pay attention to the road, and watch out for the ones that don't, etc... So really the only alone time he gets is jumping.

Jumping? You ask? Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. So he jumps out, and for a minute or so, he is alone. Training takes over for a bit to get him positioned right, but then he is perfectly alone with his heartbeat. He is literally above worldly concerns..can you imagine?

I think that is a different kind of alone, different from just having the house to yourself. That is a kind of alone that I think only the bravest can handle...even if it didn't require jumping from an airplane.

Ready. Set. GO!

These words are banned in our house. Because, without fail, after these words are spoken, someone is always crying.

Is it my boys or all boys that love to race? Do girls do it? I wouldn't know......

In our house there are on average 10 fights a day about "who goes first"...its not even important stuff like who gets first choice of yogurt or who get to get the first cookie.... Here it is ridiculous stuff like who goes through a doorway first, who trims their toenails first, and who gives me a hug first. That last one bugs me the most because whoever has to go second is then not in the mood to give me a proper hug, because being first is more important than the hug itself. Really?! Just hug your mother!

So I've been asking other people what I should do:

I asked H's kindergarten teacher; since she deals with MORE than 2 kids the issues are different. She has a point, here in our house it is either first or last, there is nothing in between.

I asked a woman from my stitching group. This was the best (I am being facetious). Take an opaque jar and fill it with red and blue marbles, then with their eyes closed have them pick out a marble, and whoever gets the red one goes first.

Besides the obvious problem of each picking the same color marble....the problem here is time. So when it is bed time, I have to carry this jar around with me to determine the following things: who goes up the steps first, who uses the potty first, who brushes their teeth first, who goes through their bedroom door first? (I am not exaggerating, this is what they fight about!) Even if I use just one marble of each color it is still the worst idea ever.

I asked my mom. She laughed in the I'msogladmykidsaregrown way...you know the one.

After that, I figured it was hopeless and just went back to what I was doing. Ignoring when I can and yelling when I can't.

Chili-Slaw Dog

I don't like condiments and I am not an adventurous eater.  Truly....I don't even like mayonnaise on my BLTs.  That is not to say that I don't like all different kinds of food, I just don't see the point in mixing them all up.  I know,  I know they all get mixed in my stomach, but fortunately you don't "often" taste the contents of your stomach ( that grossed me out a little typing it).  I just don't understand this whole fusion thing, I'm sorry country-fried squid with cheese sauce sounds like a terrible pregnancy craving. 

Anyway...I like my foods plain.  I don't need butter or cheese to eat broccoli, just give me the broccoli.  You get the idea.   So imagine my surprise when I saw on TV a hot dog with cole slaw and chili, and my first response was....hmm I bet that is good.  Most surprising because I REALLY don't like cole slaw. I did some basic tests first to see if I was dreaming...no.  Then I checked to see if I was under alien mind control...too soon to tell.  So what did I do?  Well as I was making a trip to the commissary anyway...I got all the stuff for a chili-slaw dog. 

Chief made one up for himself, and I figured I would try one bite, hate it, then he would eat the rest then I would have a plain (burnt...because hot dogs must be burnt!) hot dog.  The chili-slaw dog was amazing.   I ate the whole thing  AND there was mustard on it....mustard is worst of all condiments.                         

I am also thinking that cole slaw on a barbecued pulled-pork sandwich would also be good.....what is happening to me?  Darn aliens.

New Year's Resolution

Things around here have been pretty stagnant, which may account for my few and far between postings (and even those few are pretty weak.). 

I suppose, all things being equal, stagnant is good.  I am comfortable with there being little change in our lives, that makes thing pretty smooth actually.  Smooth, but also as far as this blog is concerned painfully boring.  Don't get me wrong, I am not inviting drama, or turmoil of any sort, but maybe just some humor which I think I may have lost somewhere.....

I've noticed in myself a change over the last few months, or maybe longer, of feeling really cynical and pessimistic about things I am a real "Debbie Downer"  so one of my New Year's resolutions is to balance those with positive and optimistic statements (it may be too much to actually feel optimistic, right at first anyway).  So my intent is that for every post I write that feels like a complaint or sarcastic, I will write one that is thankful or sincere....fingers crossed!

I have other resolutions too.  Like run at least 4 5Ks, lose weight...blah blah blah, those I know I CAN do, but the optimistic one.....not so sure.  But to start out on the right path, though I feel somewhat cynical of my ability to NOT be cynical, I will say:

I can do it...and it's going to be great!