Wanted:
Surrogate grandparents for two adorable boys, ages 5 and 7. Need no experience, just genuine affection and care.
We don’t live near my parents or near Chief’s parents and for the last few years I have really felt their absence in the lives of my boys. For the record, my boys LOVE their grandparents, but we don’t get to see them as often as we would if we lived closer. We all miss them.
When I was born both of my grandfathers had already passed away, but I spent time with my Grandmothers, shopping trips on a city bus (that was a first), and sleep-overs, cooking…you know all that normal wonderful Grandma stuff. What I would have done with my grandfathers, took walks, fixed stuff…smoked a pipe? I don’t’ know but that sounds nice…even the pipe part in a weird sentimental kind of way.
If we lived near my parents the boys would get to do that normal wonderful grandma stuff, and with grandpa they would get to take walks, fix-stuff, and nap…you know all the normal grandpa stuff. Sure Chief and I can do all that normal stuff with them, but it is different with a grandparent. They are familiar enough that you are comfortable, but at the same time they are a little mysterious too. Who are these people, are they happy, and is this how they imagined their lives 40 years ago? When I was young I was always curious about my grandmothers as wives. I only knew them as widows, and I wondered what kind of relationships they would have had with their husbands as they aged….is that weird? How would they have been different?
About 2 months ago, I started going to a stitching/knitting group that meets at the library once a week, and I went purely for the purposed of finding surrogate grandparents for my boys…well that and I DO like to cross-stitch and I miss cross-stitching with my mom. There is something comforting about sitting around a big table and listening to stories, sharing stories, and talking. Of course, we are still early in the process (there is no rushing these things), but I have the candidates narrowed down to two. I think it will be another few months, maybe more before we can start the official “hiring” process. There are also some good candidates in the neighborhood.
The problem is that the boys aren’t babies anymore, they don’t have that chubby innocence anymore….. They have definite personality. My paternal grandmother, once told me that the reason she was closer with my cousins is that she got to change their diapers and cuddle them. I think there is absolute truth in that. She got to “care” for them when they were helpless…maybe that is part of bond. I wonder then if it is too late for surrogate grandparents?
1 comment:
We're in the same boat. I've found that where ever we've moved the boys have found a surrogate grandpa at church. I've been so thankful for these surrogate grandpas. They've never cuddled but have been a 'manly' presence in my boys lives. The funny thing is I never went looking, the boys did it themselves. Mostly a connection came when they learned something about these men's lives that intrigued them; some were soldiers or farmers or had really cool toys at their house from the 1980's! Hang in there, good luck finding some because they are important.
Post a Comment