First Day

Over the past 5 years, I have thought a lot about what Tuesday would feel like.  Tuesday was my baby's first day of kindergarten.  I have shed a lot of tears thinking about that day, dreading that day, dreading that feeling of uselessness and loss.  Even last week, I was feeling panicked that I'd not done all that I could as a mom to prepare him for school.  Sad that I would loose my afternoon companion...what excuse would I have to nap after school started?

Tuesday came.  It came with excitement, thrill, and joy.  I guess when you worry about something for so long, when it finally gets here it doesn't have so much fear around it?  I woke early on Tuesday, too excited to sleep, the boys too were up early for the same reason.  I watched them walk into school, hand in hand.  H was not scared, he had his brother with him.  L was excited to show H "the ropes".  It really was a great day.  There were no tears that day.

Later that morning, I decided to run some errands.  All I had to do was pick up my purse and leave.  It was a strange feeling.  There were no last minute bathroom runs, no shoes on wrong feet to correct,no goodbyes to say, and no fights to determine who got to open the door.  Weird....and kind of exciting.

I still feel a bit helpless and I miss them.  But that, as near as I can tell, is part and parcel of being a parent.